Tag Archives: friend

If Only We Had These Rules

The (much needed) General Rules of   

As a frequent user of Facebook, I strongly feel that the following rules should apply to all users. You all get a chance to use the public domain as you wish, but three strikes against any of the below rules should mean that you’re OUT!

1.    Do not use/ play stupid apps/games and then invite everyone to do the same.

As hard as it might be to believe, I actually don’t want to look after a virtual farm. Shock!!! It’s stupid and I will throw a fat cow at the next person who invites me to join Farmville. Or CitiVille or PetVille or any other RubbishVille! Again, I also don’t want to play Bingo Blitz either!! I’m 20, not 200!! You have been warned.

2.    Do not feel the need to accept every friend request.

Aaaah look- you got a friend request from a Mr. Akim Neema “Ladiesman” Yakobovitch. Let’s see: He’s from Azerbaijan, he has 23,584 friends and yet not even one friend in common with you.

NO ONE has that many friends and do you even know where Azerbaijan is? Be strong and reject the request- karma doesn’t apply in these cases and no, lightning won’t strike you dead.

3.    Get off Facebook and pay full attention to the match you’re watching!

We do not need an update of the football/rugby/tennis/whatever match that you’re watching every 5 seconds! We really don’t care so stop filling up my news feed.

4.    Do not post your every move or thought.

08.17am “Just woke up and had a crazy dream.” [0 comments]

08.41am “My dream last night was crazy! Wow!!” [0 comments]

09.15am “I dreamt I was the lead singer of Kiss last night!” [0 comments]

09.29am  “Fry up breakfast”. <includes photo>. [0 Comments]

11.48am  “Playing Batman on the Xbox all day”. [0 Comments]

1.19pm “Yummy lunch.” <includes photo>. [0 Comments]

3.55pm “Just killed Mr Freeze!! BOOM!”. [0 Comments]

6.22pm “It’s been a long day of crime fighting ;-)” [0 Comments]

9.02pm  “What to do tomorrow? Hmmm”. [1 Comment. “GET A LIFE!!!” (28 likes)].

11.13pm “Night Night!!” [0 Comments]

02.55am “Can’t sleep :(” [0 Comments]


Again, we really don’t care so stop filling up my news feed!!!!

5.    Learn what the word “etiquette” means.

Girls– Try giving us a smile instead of pulling that duck face all the time!! Pull your skirt down, pull your top up and get your face in the picture, not your boobs. Put your middle finger down and don’t take photos while kissing your friend’s boyfriend as you’ll only be called names starting with s and ending with kank. Also, stop editing every photo of yourself!! Natural IS beautiful.


Boys– Stop taking shirtless photos of yourself in the bathroom. I know you’re just “trying” to look “sexy”, but you’re failing miserably! Get your own style and be original- stop being a tool and for the love of all things, NEVER pull the duck face. Never.

Oh and FYI, your “swag” will get you nowhere in life. It might just get you shot or stabbed.


6.    Don’t tag your friends in god-awful photos just for a laugh.

The combination of having one eye half-closed, 4 chins and a gum-showing smile is not attractive for anyone. I can assure you that they won’t see the comedy in it all and you will probably be unfriended. Sometimes not even black & white photos can do the trick…

7.    Know when your “Baby Album” quota is up.

Sooo, you have a baby! Congratulations! How sweet! Now we don’t mind seeing a few photos here and there: first Christmas, first holiday etc etc. But when you’re on “Baby Susie Album #204”, you know it’s just way too much now.

8.    Keep your personal problems to yourself.

The whole social media world does not need to know that your 16-year-old sister just got pregnant (again), your dad is cheating on your mom with your mom’s mom and as a result, you’ve now got major depression and love Slipknot. Your life is considered to be ‘fudged’ up, so get some help and keep such things private. Things will just get muchos awkwardo between us all if you don’t. If you can’t get help, watch The Big Bang Theory- It’s a cure for sadness/depression*.

[This was not intended to offend anyone].

*This is my opinion and not fact (as far as I know).

 9. Updating statuses.

Relating to Point 4, please don’t feel the need to add your BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) pins at the end of each status or make a whole status about it. You can’t be that desperate for friends to “chat” to. You’re only wasting your time anyway because there are more statuses saying “BB in for repair for the 3rd time!! FML!” or “Lost my pins as my BB crashed.” than there are saying “BBM pin 123ab45cd”. Yeah, so your BB is only gonna BB (Bloody Break!).

10.    Don’t create groups, invite everyone and then send thousands of inbox messages.

“Hey Guys! Thanks for joining the group!”

“Hey Guys! Please invite your other friends too. Thanks for the support”.

“Hey Guys! Will send an update when I know the details.”

“Hey Guys! Still no update. Thanks for your patience.”

“Hey Guys! It’s been 45 minutes and details aren’t clear yet. Will message soon”.

“Hey Guys! Please remember to invite and add your friends.”

“Hey Guys! Sorry for the delay in getting the details. Will message soon.”

[Everyone has left the group by this point, except your mom]